The "tough" stuff and total surrender.

Sounds like a pretty uplifting title huh? I've been praying and thinking about suffering a lot lately. We all have different things we struggle with personally. We all have things circumstances that have happened to us in our lives that cause us pain, confusion, frustration, anger and we carry those burdens around with us in life.

God allows these uncomfortable and sometimes very painful things to happen. I have been praying for years about my own such circumstances. I have been praying for many miracles concering my own burdens. But have yet to "see" them answered. I wonder to myself and God... why don't you fix it God. Why is this the burden I witness, experience and have to endure. If you are the God who you say you are... then just please answer this prayer for me. It is an external request and me looking for an external outward answer.

Alcoholism is a very prominent thing in my family. Many generations have been addicted to and lived their life drinking too much. I am praying for people to be released from this horrible addiction, but not much has happened in this family. It just stays the same. No changes at least that I can see. No apparent HUGE miracles. And no one being saved from it all. And I ask God why?

I ask God, where are you in all of this? Where are you in my family relationships? Where are you when I need you to show up work a lightning bolt miracle God? I can become very frustrated.

As I have been thinking about this. It occurs to me that maybe God does not work that way. He works from the inside out... he's not a magician. He works in the hearts of people. What I am praying for is something I can see externally. What God is actually doing is something very internal. In my heart and in the hearts of those I love.

In these burdens and suffering, God is working on ME. Maybe these circumstances in my life are showing me how to take a look at myself, to draw closer to Him. How to take care of me. I see it as an opportunity to be the "Super Christian" come in with my prayers my annointing my power and save the day. But maybe what God is asking me to do is be humble. See clearly that I truly have no power in it. Take the sense of "entitlement" I have to see them healed and allow HIM to do the work. I am not able to endure what I am seeing by myself. I need Him more than anything to help get me through it. I have to rely on God and believe He is listening. It's not about ME and them. It's about me and Him... and surrendering it over. Believing he already has it covered.

To not put all of my emotional, physical, and spiritual focus on the other person and their issues. Maybe God is already doing the work and I am in the way of it. He is obviously aware I would like to see them healed. He knows my hearts desire is to see them well, but I am so busy wrapped up in their crisis and their sin. I am missing the point.

God wants me to trust him that he will take care of them. That it is not my problem. It is their problem. That in my worry and codependent control of all things related to this terrible disease I am "playing God." Who am I to think that I can change this person to make them well. Who am I to think that I have all the power to make this happen. It is NOT about me. It is about God and HIS power, HIS love, HIS child... they are not mine to care for... they are HIS.

If we stop trying to control it all, carry it all and take our focus off of praying for a miracle, but pray for our own ability to hand it over to God, would our outlook be different? Would our hearts feel lighter? Would we see his miracles He is working in us? How would our perspective change? I am choosing to do that today. Focus on handing it over. Surrendering it all. Letting God be God and watching those miracles unfold. The Holy Spirit was sent to comfort me... in my faith. I am going to allow that to happen and stop getting in the way.

So as I wait for an internal miracle from God and the ability to surrender it all. My prayer is that he give you one too. That whatever burdens you bear whatever tough stuff you are going through... whatever surrender needs to happen. That you understand he's way bigger than we let him be. Thanks God for being so big and so cool.

Peace. - jen