Vulnerable and Loved

Throughout this pregnancy and this blessing and the past nine months I have been on a journey with God. I have many times asked God to not leave me "the same." By that I mean I want to see life with new eyes, I want more of God. Not because I want to be "perfect" because that will never happen. But I want to be changed by God in a way that praises God with my life.

On this journey (the past 9 months) I have witnessed much suffering of my friends and my family. I have heard life stories of struggle, I've experienced struggle, I've battled thoughts that are good bad and ugly. I am facing my own demons every day and watching others do the same. I have come before the Lord many times in prayer just a crumpled mess asking him to put me back together. To put my friends back together to be there for their children. To heal them, to show them how much he loves them to protect them, to guide them. To provide finances, when they needed it most. To surrender my life and the lives of all I know and take them to the foot of the cross.

To be completely vulnerable... to be stripped of thinking that I have the answers that I can fix it, that I know what to do next. I don't. I have no clue. But I know who does and who I can fully rely on to listen and love me no matter what the circumstances may be. When I pray I pray hard. When I come to God my heart is vulnerable, I have the best listener in my relationship with Christ. God stretches me I am seeing a very vulnerable Jen Kline. Which I know is God because normally that's now how I am. I just keep seeking Him on my knees, praying ALL the time and waiting on HIM, is the perfect solution.

Soon I will be stepping into a new adventure. I keep alluding to it. I will post as we move closer through my maternity leave about it. But I am entirely excited and continue to allow God to prepare me for this new opportunity and new journey. I am not afraid, I know that I know that God would place me here for "such a time as this." I am vulnerable before the Lord and before my friends. I am stripped of thinking this is about me. I am fully surrendering it all to the Lord, I will wait and watch with excitement and awesome expectancy of how God will work in all of it.

So, in two days Josie will be here. I thank God for taking me on this journey of fully being dependent on him. Needing my Savior day after day. I need you Jesus. I need you every day. Savior please continue to daily bring me to a place of needing you, wanting you, pleasing you. Living my faith vulnerable... knowing I need you.