This Christmas

I love Christmas. As I sit here drinking my coffee and listening to Christmas music, I get teary eyed. Maybe it's PMS, maybe it's nostalgia, maybe it's the holy spirit touching my heart and breaking it for the things God is doing in me and my life. Who knows. What I do know is that a long time ago, God sent his son, that we would call him Immanuel "God with us." And I am so very thankful for the gift He gave me in his son Jesus.

I am done shopping, I am done running around... I am ready to bask this Christmas in the true meaning of this holiday. I am ready to celebrate the greatest gift this world has been given. A baby boy, named Jesus who came to save us all. He came to give us life abundantly. He came to show us how to treat each other, love each other and help us fulfill God's plan for our lives. That's something to get excited about.

Jill and I were talking about it and we both have experienced the same tradition. We have a nativity scene with no baby Jesus in the manger until Christmas morning He amazingly appears there on Christmas Day. :) I will wake up Christmas morning, put Jesus in he nativity and thank God for all of the blessings of my life, my friends, my family, my church, my God. I will remember this Christmas how important this baby was many years ago... but I will mostly remember how important He is to me today in my life.

Thank you God for sending Jesus to be my savior. Thank you that you love me that much. Thank you for your relationship with me, for how you work in my life and the lives of my family and friends. Thank you for Christmas.

And then she prayed....

She is going to poop when she sees this blog. But I had to write about it. As you can tell from my last post, I've been having myself a little pity party. After I wrote that post I met with my friend Jill... in prayer. We have been prayer partners for some time now. We've had to try to adjust the times and days we pray now that I am out of the house more and am running around like a chicken. But I cannot tell you how important this is to me.

You see Jill has discipled this heart of mine to draw closer to the Lord. She is wise. She loves God SO much. She wants to please Him. She wants her life to reflect Him. Her husband too... discipled me to live my life closer to the Lord. It's funny because as I look back on this four year friendship I have with her. It had to be God doing so much in this relationship. Each experience we have together, each element of this friendship spoke to my heart. We've been on adventurous road trips, we've ministered together, we've loved kids and teens, we've shared mommy stories where we've laughed and cried, we've shared husband stories where we've mostly laughed, we've cried about sad things, and we've loved each other's children. But what's best is that we've prayed.

Jill prayed for me a long time ago when I first came to the River church. I've posted about this before, but I was a mess. Searching for Jesus, I believed he died on the cross for me and my sins, but I wanted to understand why that was important. What the heck? He died such a long time ago? How is that relevant to me today? What did that mean? So I attended a women's ministry event with our church I heard my other friend and our senior Pastor's wife Linn speak about specific love. She told personal stories about how God reached into her life and touched her specifically. She told stories about how God is an intricate friend. How he knows the details and he sends the holy spirit to comfort and love us right where we need it most. That was it. That's all I needed to hear. That makes sense. Jesus did not die a long time ago just so we could talk about his death and be thankful he made that sacrifice thousands of years ago. He died because he knew we would need him and he died to show us God's love for us. He died so we knew we could be in relationship with God because of his sacrifice.

I digress... at that women's ministry event I asked for prayer. It was the first time in my life I had asked someone else to pray for me... now that I think about it. It was the first time anyone had offered. It was the best gift someone could give me. And Miss Palmer did it. She prayed hard. She prayed specifically and not just asking God for things, but praising him for things, I felt like I was in a private conversation she was having with God and it was about me. It was powerful.
And my prayers were answered. In small little specific ways after that day, I knew God was working in my life. He was speaking to my heart. This Christian stuff was not a joke. It was real. God was for the first time in my life visible to me. I could sense his love for me for my family. I watched him in the circumstances. He was there. He still is.

So, Jill and I prayed on Wednesday. She prayed for me again, in conversation with God. She prayed for peace, for courage for God's plan. She prayed for my family, my husband my marriage. She prayed for my ministry. What an awesome gift she is to me. What an awesome gift...the gift of prayer can be. Anyway, the next day I was getting all three kids ready to head out the door. I was packing up snacks, Billy was helping me and as I was picking up Toby's sweatshirt on the couch, it happened. Like it has happened so many times before... I felt joy. Pure joy. I know it sounds crazy... but I felt a flooding of joy. Given the things I was doing... (Getting ready for work and school) on the outside there is not much joy in that... but God provides us with all of our needs. With God all things are possible. I felt like a good Mom, I loved my husband, was I running around like a chicken? Yes... I was. But I knew I was right where God wanted me to be. What an awesome gift.

So this Christmas... I am going to ask all my bloggy friends to find someone to pray with. Find someone who loves the Lord who you trust who has been a big influence in your life and pray. And watch what happens. Watch God show up. Watch God draw nearer to you than you have ever experienced. What a faithful awesome God we have. He died thousands of years ago so she could pray for me. And he could be trusted to come through because he loves me.

Agreement and Hope

We were talking in our staff meeting the other day. Our pastor was telling us about a ministry of men who are Christian life coaches. He was talking about how this ministry helps people assess things that they struggle with in life and puts them on a path that directs them. They use biblical principles and such. One of the areas this ministry works on with people is the area of "agreement". We have things that roll through our heads on a daily basis, ideas, thoughts, feelings, emotions. Every day we choose to agree or disagree with those things. God wants us to only agree with the things that are positive. But those are not always the things we choose to agree with.

I think God is pleased when we are not beating ourselves up. I think God is pleased when we are thinking positively. I think God is pleased when we are loving to one another. I think God is pleased when he sees us forgiving, giving grace and seeking him in the Bible or in prayer. I think God loves a joyful heart.

Then how come it is so easy to slip into an agreement in our own minds of all the things that are directly opposite? Lately I have been very hard on myself, I am in agreement to things that are negative. Two things are the catalyst for the beat down I have in my thinking patterns. New baby. New job.

I like to agree in my mind that I am good at and working towards loving God with all of my heart, then my husband, then my children, family and friendships and then the ministry God has placed me in. But why am I agreeing otherwise? Why do I believe the thoughts in my mind that tell me I am a master at none of these areas? That my relationship with God is not there, that I am not the best wife to my husband, that I am fumbling in ministry, that my kids are failing that my relationships are so far away.

My life verse is Jeremiah 29:11. When I heard it my heart swelled up and I was so excited. The words jumped off the page and grabbed a hold of me.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This my friends is the truth. This is the positive goodness that the Lord has for me. He has plans for me to PROSPER, he has plans that include NO HARM.. God wants to give me a HOPE and a future. I am in agreement with this. I believe it. I choose to believe that this future God has laid before me is a prosperous life. One filled with hope and a purpose and goodness.

Why does God talk about giving me a "future?" Isn't that kind of obvious? Of course he gives me a future.. he gave me life. But I think when he talks about a future He is saying that as long as I give you breath and you are on earth... you have a job to do for me. You have a future that is purposeful, meaningful that you are going to make a difference for the kingdom of God. That is what you will do. That is your future.

So my friends as I share this tender glimpse into my not so perfect but OH SO HOPEFUL life... lets be in agreeement that no matter where God has us in this particuluar season of our lives.. that his plans for us are good. That he wants to give us a hope and a future that is bright and beautiful. I am in agreement with all things prosperous today. :)

Just hangin with the guys

Me and BK... my awesome man

My youngest bro Austin

My Middle bro Brad

My oldest (but still younger than me)bro Peter

Ben - B Willy Servant leader always studying the word. Seeks God with all his heart.

Mark - Creative Genius, Pastor, friend

Steve organized loving and peaceful man and his wife Lori...

Dwight - our awesome Senior pastor who live and leads by his Godly example

Kevin Dolbee - Passionate youth pastor who is always excited about the Lord

Lately,I have been praying and asking God to help me see people as he sees them. To give me new wisdom, insight and of course he has delivered. The past couple of weeks it has been men. I work predominantly with an all male staff, I am married to an awesome man, my Dad is my neighbor and I have three younger brothers... all men. I am pretty much surrounded. (giggle) I am currenty working on a Daddy daughter dance at work which has had me thinking about how important men are to God.

Our society would like us to objectify, pigeon hole, stereotype men just as much as they would like us to stereotype women. Many men in our culture are shows as weak, lazy, dumb and limited human beings. But God has another plan. Men were created to be leaders, created to be do'ers, go getters, providers. They are the spiritual leaders of families. Men were created to be respected not demeaned. Valueable. Honorable. Good.

Before I took the job as a Children's Pastor, I asked the Lord to surround me and my kids and my family with good male role models. Godly men who were their own men. Who were confident in who God created them to be. Who didn't apologize for their faith. Who loved their wives and kids and wanted to please God. And man... did he deliver.

I am married to an awesome man who prays, puts value on his family, works hard, reads his Bible, loves the Lord and cares about his friends and family. I am learning to be the best wife I can be to this awesome man God placed in my life. Working with mostly men is helping me understand men a little more.

The staff of men I work with are some of the coolest guys I know. I am amazed at their hearts. They are so gifted, they all have a passion for what they do and they love God with all of their hearts. I am blessed to call them coworkers and friends, am learning so much from them every day. They love their wives, they expect respect, they are looking to the Lord every day, they speak the truth in love (even when it's hard to hear) they have grace and forgiveness in their hearts, they love to laugh and crack silly jokes and they are kind to youth and children.

I love it when God answers my prayers. It's a faithbuilder. Thank you Lord for the men in my life. They are a gift to me and my family.

Thanksgiving... what a blast

I love love love this time of the year. As I type this post, I am sitting at the kitchen table at one of my most favorite places in the world. My Mom's house in Elephant Butte, New Mexico. Her home comes complete with a view of Elephant Butte lake and lots and lots of sunshine.
When we got here she had pre cooked a bunch of food for us. The fridge is stocked if we are hungry all we have to do is heat something yummy up to eat. The babies are loved on, the kids have their own "grandkids" room. Decorated in a space theme. They cannot wait to come to Grandma's house, what a true blessing she is to us. I am so blessed by my Mom and her love of her family. Her home is comfortable, fun and loving. As I type she is laying on the futon with Josie reading to her to take her mind off her hiccups that are bugging her. The kids adore her. Grandma is a pro at making sure each grandchild understands how important they are to her and her heart. What an awesome Mom I have who loves my children so much. I am so thankful for her love and her example.

Thinking and praying... about adoption

My heart hurts. I literally is in pain. When I look at this picture of all of these children my heart is so achey and yucky. These are babies with no Mom or Dad. These are little children who do not have a family to call their own. These are babies that do not know specific love. They are in organizations that give "general" care. Where people "generally" care for them in a very basic way.

I am burdened for the orphan, for a couple of reasons. In the past four years God has been revealing to me little by little how important the orphan is to God's heart, and also to my own. God loves children. The joy kids bring to people I KNOW that I know is so much of who God will be to us when we meet him face to face. When I see my baby girl Josie's face light up with a smile as people coo and smile and love on her, I believe that warm fuzzy feeling you get from babies is a piece of God's heart. God revealing himself to us through children.

I love being a Mom, it is the greatest joy in my life. The other day I was sitting in Josie's nursery, laying with her on the bed listening to G and T play in the living room and I was overcome with unbelievable joy. It just flooded me. Believe me, not all days are like this. But seriously my heart and life is so blessed by my children I cannot even put it into words. They are gifts, true gifts to me and my heart. I see my faith was built by them and is continued to be built by little instances in my life. So I think to myself... if my faith was built by these wonderful babies God gave me with my own body... what a cool adventure would it be to watch God work in an adoption journey. However that may look.

I was adopted... so I understand how cool it is for someone who isn't related to me biologically (sounds so lame and scientific) to come into my life and love me as their own. My Dad and Mom were married when I was five years old. Very shortly afterward, my Dad "legally" adopted me in the courts. What an awesome thing he did...then he spent the rest of his life taking care of me, teaching me things, loving me the best he could and giving me an awesome life I never would have had. He loved my Mom and was opened his heart to loving me and my brother. What a huge cool thing. It impacted my life forever.

So when I see pictures like this I am blown away. I sit here in my cozy Colorado home. I have an awesome husband. We feed and nurture and love our children. We take them to gymnastics and karate and on bike rides. We laugh and play... and in the meantime... there are 147 million children all over the world without one ounce of what we could offer them. Children like these babies who's basic needs are taken care of but what about their specifics, what about their hearts, who "knows" them. Who can nurture them? Who is listening to them? I heard our pastor say one time that praying a prayer that says, "lord, break my haert for the things that break your heart is one of the most dangerous things you can do. Because when God reveals it to you... be ready for something that will change your life. Transform you. I have prayed that prayer. And it these beautiful babies break my heart. What is my response? What does God want me to do about it? I cannot sit here and just say... oh well, I guess that's just the way it is. Right now legislation is in place in Canada halting all adoptions from Africa. There are parents there who are in the midst of adopting a baby who cannot take them home because of a law. Yuck. In the Bible it says that true religion is caring for the widows and the orphans. What am I doing in response?

Matthew 25: 31-40

31"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

I cry as I type. These cribs are prisons, these children are strangers, these children need clothes and food and love. It breaks my heart. It just breaks it in two. Bill and I have talked about adoption. We met with our sweet pastors to learn more... we are prompted by God to help. Before Josie was born we filled out an application to adopt from China in about 20 minutes. It was literally a 20 page document that I was able to complete very quickly. I was ready and excited about the thought of adoption.

BK and I prayed and prayed... we wanted to make sure this is what God would have us do at that moment. We really wanted to make sure we were walking in God's plan. Not some impulsive thing we decided to jump into without some specific prayer. BK has alwayw wanted four children. After praying and talking with Bill, we really felt we should try for another baby and then we got pregnant with Josie.

So now I ask myself, what do we do now. We are blessed. We have three beautiful children. We live in a nice home in a beautiful mountain town with awesome church family. We don't have a lot of money but after talking to many people who have adopted they assure us that God's heart for the orphan is huge. He will be the provider. How to we respond to such an incredible need. Lord, what do you want me to do in response to knowing what I know. I will pray... I will listen and I will talk with Bill. But I challenge all my blog friends to do the same. What is your response to what you know? What are you doing for the "least of these? Please pray and ask God what he might have you do. Then listen. So much needs to be done. peace. - jen

Working out = hearing from the Lord

Wow. Here I am Josie is 4 months old. Before I had this beautiful bundle of joy I worked out a lot. I prayed with my prayer partner that God would help me in my workouts. I prayed that I would have the desire to take care of myself. I think if I am honest with myself... that in my own way after my miscarriage, I wanted control. I was hoping that if I was more fit, skinnier in better shape I would be in a better place to get pregnant. Like if I was more fit, God would see it and bless me with a baby. Like God was saying... "let's see what you can do Jen... then I'll bless you with a baby." Duh. I'm such a dork! God does not manipulate. If I weighted 300lbs God would have given me Josie... or if I weighed 119 pounds God would have blessed me with Josie. It's God plan not mine. (Can someone please give me some kind of lobotomy or something so I get that? PLEASE?)

Anyway, my reason for this post is that today I was working out at the gym. I am treating myself to 3x a week over my lunch hour... a one hour cardio/interval strenght training class. I LOVE working out. I really do. I just have a hard time fitting it into my schedule. I have a hard time making myself a priority. But when I do... man does it feel GOOD!

As I worked out I prayed. I was praying about priorities about how proud I was that I actually got to the gym 2x this week (kiddos were sick on Wednesday so I couldn't go). I was asking God to reveal to me how he saw me.

I am a visual person so he showed me a picture of a woman who was fit, she had kids running all around her she was in the middle of some type of an event or activity but she had energy, she had joy and it was obvious she loved God. He whispered to my heart..."this is who I want you to be. This is my plan for you." I was like.. really? A super fit Director of Children's Ministries in Durango. OK... guess I have my work cut out for me! Because let me tell you folks... I am no where near being "fit". I have some pounds to lose and some muscle to chisel. Plus a 38 year old metabolism.

Now, who I saw in the mirror at the gym was very different from the picture he put in my mind. I will keep working out until my body resembles that awesome woman of God. I will make time for him in prayer while I workout. I will watch what foods I throw into my body. Not because I am manipulating God, but because I know his plan for me is good and he wants that kind of life for me.

I don't have to perform for God, I don't have to do everything perfectly. All I have to do is pray and listen to his still soft voice and know that as he guides me through my life I can be confident in ALL that I put my heart into.

Anyway, I had a blast working out. This teacher busted my buns... but it was an amazing time of prayer and a conversation with God.

Thank you Lord for speaking to me in the times I least expect it. Thank your for your good plan for me and my body. May what I do with it always glorify and please you. AMEN? AMEN!