Friday, April 29, 2011

An Epiphany... Breakthrough, Freedom... whatever you want to call it.

I've had it. I've had some kind of weird breakthrought that a 39.5 year old woman has. God has been stirring my heart in so many ways lately. So totally crystal clear. I've been listening. I'm on the brink of something big. I can just feel it. I'm not sure if it's a personal breakthrough or a ministry breakthrough or what. But I am starting to have some clarity in areas I have been blind to for years.

I am a 39 year old woman with three children and a husband and I happen to be employed at a church. But my problems are the same as everyone elses, my struggles are real.

I think part of this breakthrough is that I am just "beginning" to understand what it looks like to "love" myself. Does that make sense? I think as Moms we get SO caught up in everyone around us. Our husbands, our kids, our friends, our family, our work, etc. etc. That we lose sight of ourselves. Not in a selfish "do everything for me" kind of way but in a way that honors our feelings, our thoughts our perspectives our hearts. All of it.

I've been struggling with not feeling very healthy and frankly I have gained lots o weight in the past two years. Working full time and finding the time to work out with a family of 5 has been a challenge. I've been stressed so the "eating" part is how I've coped. (let me tell you how wonderful it feels to down a large fry at McDonalds....) But alas as you all know that kind of behavior while delicious for the moment is fleeting. Because it lasts mere seconds.

Today I was at my crazy insane workout class. Led by my 22 year old trainer named Corey. Corey was a body builder and has mad skills with working out. I was in class today and started crying... literally tears rolling down my face. You see, while I was working out I was praying and asking God to give me a verse that would and could sustain me. I was in the middle of ten thousand mountain climbers and squat jumping jacks and I heard... " You are my daughter with whom I am well pleased..." It is my slogan for the year. To believe and know that I He is pleased with me. To begin to understand HIS love so I can love myself and pursue a healthier lifestyle. This will filter into my family being healthy, my husband being healthy and me being healthy.

So there you have it. He is pleased with me. So I am pleased and choose to begin to love myself. I'm so excited to see how this plays out. I know I haven't blogged much lately but I will for sure keep you posted.

Peace. Out.



Kristin said...

love it. thanks so much for sharing, Jen! love hearing what God is speaking to you!

Andy and Cari said...

I miss you lady!