I just spent an hour in the day being quiet. Wow. How foreign. What a concept.
Don't make a list
Don't make progress
Don't have expectations
It is exhausting just typing that out. I met with a very accomplished very educated and knowledgeable woman last week. She has developed very successful children's ministries. She has an amazing heart. She hears God. She loves kids and families. This friend of mine is really a divine appointment for me. She confessed to me that when she started out in ministry her entire personal life fell apart. Success for her was getting out of bed in the morning. She had a team of 75 volunteers who she was responsible to... (our team here is about 55). She spoke to me about grace what it really means... to really just cut yourself some slack. I told her I needed so badly to hear from God and what he wanted for this ministry he put me in leadership over. I told her that I am in "fight or flight" mode so for me just making a decision about what to make for dinner is hard... how the heck can I successfully run a ministry? How can I know what God wants for the ministry. There are a million things I could move forward in right now. I could pull off an amazing Easter Egg hunt, I could plan a skating night for kids, I could put a date on the calendar and call on all our servant leaders to come and "revamp" the environment for children's ministry... there are a million things I could do and believe me... I would do them well. I'm good at doing stuff.
But what does God want me to do? Am I already doing it? Is he working right now in relationships, in the hearts of people? Is this time in ministry about me working on me? Is he developing my spiritual character? Stripping me of the ability to move forward... is he asking me to move toward Him? I think so. I think he is saying stop... be quiet...listen.
Today during this 1.5 hours of quiet time... I wrote down all the "JUNK" that clogs my mind. Decisions to be made, people to talk to, appointments, moving details, family priorities, personal problems, baggage, frustrations and after I got it all out of my head... I said a short prayer. I told God I was going to listen. I told him I needed him to be clear. I told him I needed to know it was Him and not me.
After that I just laid on my couch and waited. I could hear myself breathing, then with each breath I heard Him...
I support you
I love you
I am here
It's going to be OK
I love your leaders... tell them I love them.
I love your ministry.
You are important to me.
I cry as a type because I knew with each relaxing breath I took... it was him. It was my spirit connecting with His and when I took the time to listen, God was there. He has not gone anywhere even though my crappy circumstances right now feel like he is far from me. It was like he was sitting right next to me. Breathing these quiet whispers to my spirit and my heart. What a gift. Thank you God for your quiet whispers how you love me and you tell me.
1 year ago