I'm not sure how to write this post. I've written posts before about how God is transforming me. I have written about the change that takes place when you see, experience, realize God's specific love. When you witness miracles, when you experience emotional healing. When Jesus fills every void I have ever felt in my spirit. I have told of how I've tried it all. Drinking, drugs, friends, boys, money, corporate success, material things. None of it. Absolutley none of it is nearly as satisfying as my relationship with Jesus Christ. Nothing compares.
It's like I have a best friend that I want to introduce everyone too. However, He is this best friend who no one wants to talk about. Because if you talk about Him or this thing you know... people think you and your friend are going to judge them, condemn them. When it is the exact opposite.
This friend gives me encouragement, blesses me, loves me unconditionally and takes care of me. This friend is with me when I am struggling, laughs with me when I am joyful and cries with me when I am wrecked by tough things. This friend understands LOVE better than anyone or anything I know.
So when I say I want to introduce you to my friend... and you say, I don't know your friend. Your friend has never shown me love. Your friend has never been real to me or given me blessings. Your friend has never loved me.
I will say to you... let me introduce you to Jesus Christ. Draw near to Him... and he will draw near to you. You will see Him. You will experience His unfailing love and it will be the best choice you have ever made.
FYI.. this is a picture of Grace when she was about 1 1/2 year old. The one above it is of Josie today. Grace looks so much like Josie it's crazy! I am so bugged that my camera is fried. I am headed back to Office Depot this week to buy a battery to see if that will fix it. I am going to be bummed out if I need a new one. So in the meantime I will show pics from my Blackberry.
All is well on this homefront. I am busy with getting the vision and mission of riverKIDS launched in August. We've had some hiccups coming back to our house, but really I believe these things are distractions that are just taking me away from what God has planned for the ministry and my family. Let's just say that I am sick of dwelling on the negative and really focusing on the good. I am tired of evaluating, stressing, worrying and hurting. It is time to live in the joy of the Lord. Live out what I believe. Have faith that can move mountains. Believe that God is FOR ME... not against me. See the good in everything and move forward in the good and awesome plan that God has called me to.
Have you ever just felt like all you do is "manage?" BK and I have three small children, we are navigating a delicate time in our marriage. We are navigating through dealing with some of our own yuck and seeking God for transformation. We are learning what it looks like to work in ministry and minister to others while we ourselves are dealing with stuff. I need to support myself, keep myself healthy, support my family's health. We need more "FUN" in it! So, tis the time. To shake off the funk and step into a new day. A renewed time in our lives where we can look back and say... that was a FUN time serving God, each other and others.
We are promoting a summer of Crazy Love at our church. We are trying to love people like Jesus does. I am going to do it in fun ways, that promote good times for our famlies and kids. I can't wait. Smiling and excited. Here we go!
This Father's Day I am going to honor a man who blows my mind. My husband. God knew when he sent Billy my way exactly what I needed. He knew I needed to learn about contentment so he sent me Bill, he knew I needed to learn about choosing my words wisely... so he sent me Bill, he knew I needed to learn about reading "directions" so he sent me Billy. He knew I needed to see what loyalty and commitment looked like so he sent me Billy.
He also knew what an amazing father this man would be to our three beautiful children. He knew exactly what kind of man my children would need to show them what a Daddy who loved them no matter what looked like.
He'll ride bikes with the kids, he shows them how to plant in the garden, he cooks with them, he does homework with them, he reads their Bible devotionals and talks to them about their faith and he prays with them. He builds forts and makes popcorn for movie nights... he laughs with them and plays with them on the trampoline. He provides and works hard and loves his family.
I have told him before but I need to tell him this Father's Day that he is such an amazing man, I love his sweet heart and the way he is a rock to my life. He is my hero, my braveheart and my knight in shining armor! I love you Billy. Happy Father's Day.
Did God ever take you on a journey where no matter what you did you were faced with the same thing or challenge or learning curve over and over again? God is in the business of loving me, teaching me and transforming me. In that process I see him working in my circumstances, my relationships and my life very clearly. Never in my life has it been more uncomfortable. But in this uncomfortable place, I am learning what it means to be a daughter and a child of God.
I have spent much of my life living in a codependent scenario. The role I took on as a child was the person who made, "peace." I had the "level head." I had it together... at least on the outside. On the inside I spent most of my time scrambling panicking and praying that everything I did would set things right, make my life more controllable. Make people around me more controllable or predictable so I had more control of my life. I spent time appeasing people so they could be happy. I spent time conjuring up circumstances that would make everyone "feel" good. On the outside I had all of this "control" but on the inside I was a train wreck praying each choice I made in a day would create good circumstances for myself. It is an exhausting way to live, but it is how I survived.
I can remember getting up early to make my parents breakfast hoping that if we started the day off on a good note... maybe it would stay that way. I can remember cleaning the house for my parents hoping that if the house was clean enough everyone would pull themselves together. At work I would take on a project I didn't believe in. I would agree with people when I totally felt the opposite. A lot of this codependent behavior has filtered into my professional life as well.
I would be in marketing meetings agreeing to do things I did not think were productive to the project. I would watch everyone else engage in passionate discussions about things and think... wow... this is "too" emotionally charged of an argument to have so I am just going to keep my mouth shut. I wanted everyone to be pleased with everything I did so I avoided a "confrontation" as much as possible. I thought other people's peace was more important than my own. At 39 years old I am realizing these very important things. I am thankful that God is showing me how he works in all of this so I can learn, be better and live the awesome life he has set before me.
So now, here I am family of 5, husband full time job in ministry and God is showing me what it means to speak the truth in love. Speak it so others can know where I stand. Speak it with the confidence that even if it does not make the other person "feel" good that God will take care of the other person. Speak it andave a confidence God is going to take care of ALL the details.
My best example of this is my relationship with my father. He is so sick. So broken. So toxic to me. I can't pretend anymore that the relationship I have with him is OK. It's not. It's broken, it's toxic and it's not healthy. So removing it from my life is one of the best things I can do for me and my family. Does it feel good? No. Do I feel like a bad daughter? Yes. Am I mourning the loss of that relationship? Yes. But can I say that I know God is going to take care of him and all of the details of his life? Yes.
I have this big huge awesome God who created me and this life I have. He is FOR ME... he is on MY SIDE. Is is the sin in this world that tries to kill, steal and destroy my life... NOT GOD.
The verses that keep rolling through my head are.. " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me..." and " this is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it... " and " I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, to prosper you and not to harm you to give you a hope and a future."
So as I walk in this uncomfortable place of standing up for what I believe. For speaking the things my spirit leads me to speak. For letting my yes be yes and my no be no. I will trust that although this is uncomfortable, it is EXACTLY where God has me for this time and this place and I was created for such a time as this.
God is good. I am writing this blog to reflect on how that looks in my life, I am a Mom a sister a friend and a wife. And above it all I am a child of God. How awesome is that? I started this blog to be able to reflect on what that journey looks like. God has big things in store for this family of mine. I am just here to share my story.