Convicted

Today is such a beautiful day. I look outside and sun is beating down on the mountains, a cool breeze is blowing. The blue color of the sky is just amazing. From our bedroom window we have this amazing view of the mountains. Joy comes in the morning for me today. The minute I lifted my head off the pillow. I felt it. The Bible promises that joy comes in the morning and today it has. Thank you Lord for the joy I feel in knowing you more loving you more and learning all I need to know from you.

My family attends a "small group" with a few members of our church. It's weird to call it a small group because everyone in this group are friends of ours. So really we just get together with friends once a week to hang out. Sometimes we read a book together and study it, sometimes we play games and sometimes we just laugh the whole time. Either way it's really a good time with some of my favorite people in the world.

There are times in my life when things are just moving along normally and I have a "moment." A tender moment when emotions overhwhelm me. When I get a sense that someone is hurting when I feel compassion for someone or look at someone and see their pain or see they are struggling. In most cases, I ask the person if I can pray for them. If I forget I talk to them about it later to see if they are doing OK. I reach out to them and let them know I am available.

For some reason my husband stood out to me last night in our group. He was tired, he had a long day at work... (up at 6am home by 5)he came home and even though exhausted grabbed a baseball glove for himself and the kids and ball and took our kids out on in the yard to throw a ball around. He's a great Dad. But I had a compassion for my husband and a conviction in my soul that blew me away.

Sometimes I can get so clouded by my own selfishness and own "me" syndrome. I forget to "see" where my husband is... does he need prayer?... does he need rest?... does he need me to just be quiet and listen? What would bless him? Have I paid attention? Am I helping him "lead" our family or am I the boss and mother of everyone (including him?) How am I supporting him as a wife?

There is a part of me that God is working on... I definately am an outgoing extrovert. I like to "tell it like it is." I appreciate honest conversation and am very passionate. I take the bull by the horns, I am a doer. If there is a goal, I set it and pursue it. If I see something is broken, I like to fix it. Sometimes I walk through the day like an EMT in my own life. Watching for what needs fixind and getting it done. I have tunnel vision. I need to control it all.

God is showing me a side of me for my husband that is reserved only for him. A side of me that needs wisdom, needs growth and discernment. I am so thankful God is showing this to me. There is a part of me that desires so much to have "BK radar" a radar that is able to minister to him on a dime. A part of me that despite my tunnel vision can see the needs of my husband and act on it. A part of me that is sensitive, peaceful joyful. A joyful part of me reserved for Bill. Man... he would love that... wouldn't he?

I would be a wife who instinctively knows how to bless her husband daily and be OK that it's not about me. If there is one person who deserves my discernment, my love, my attention in this area it is my husband. Giving constantly and not expecting. Loving him despite myself.

I did not post a thankful Thursday. But today I am thankful for conviction. I am thankful for God showing me a part of me that desires to be more for the man I married, the awesome father of my children and the love of my life. Thank you Lord, may I never be the same... only better... In You.

PS. Regarding this song... I love it. It makes me cry everytime I listen to it (hormones?) But it touches my heart.. it reminds me of how much God loves me... and how much my husband loves me. Bear with me and my 1980's roots... enjoy :)