I'm back... for a breather

Hey all my blog friends (if your still even out there)
It's been some time since my last post. Too long actually. So much has happened I feel I am not doing the blog world justice if I don't get everyone up to speed. But since it's been so long I'll just give a brief synopsis of life in the Kline family circa September. And since my life is now broken into about seven intentional little categories of goodness. I'll update you on all of them.

hubby Bill - Wonderful. Love him. Still being challenged by God on financial stuff. Stewarding money. Being debt free. Living disciplined with joy. Our ten year anniversary is fast approaching. And I can happily tell you all I am so excited for the next ten years. BK is blowing my mind with the man he is to me as well as the amazing father he is to our children. He simply rocks. And the fact that I think he's kinda hot doesn't hurt either. :)

Grace - Grace is in third grade. She is a officially a reader. She escapes into book land whenever she can. She is reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid and Junie B Jones books constantly. She is an expert at homework. We have begun a family "schedule" when we get home from school. Kids do homework first. Then they can play and have the rest of the night free. Grace will do her homework in the van if it means she can have free time. She is Math girl and told me if she could teach a subject (she has the gift of teaching) it would be Math. And this makes my heart swell because in Math class I was always excused to go to my "lower" level math class. So Im loving that she is so into it. The "newness" of Josie has officially wore off. This morning as she was eating her breakfast in bed. (yes. I rock) I heard her ask Bill if he could close her bedroom door so Josie could not come in and try to climb on her bed. Dont' get me wrong. She digs her, but definatley needs her alone time. Grace needs a "thing" we are right now trying to determine what her "thing" might be. She has attended a 4H meeting. I am signing her up for gymnastics at some point this fall and can't wait to see what God is going to do in her life.


Toby - T is in 1st grade. And many of my prayers this school year have been for him. He is boy... ALL boy... and he may have a slight degree of his mother's side of the family ADD... he's dreamy, he is creative and LOVES to talk and do his thing. I'll give you an example. He was washing his hands in the boys bathroom. He put soap on his hands... some of the soap splattered on the mirror... he tried to wipe the soap off of the mirror with his soapy hands... realzing this made a very cool pattern he began to then create ART on the bathroom mirror. Upon the teacher's arrival in the bathroom, she sees toby "playing" in the bathroom and making a mess of the mirrors. These characteristics do not bode well in a classroom environment. So Toby and his Mommy are working through how to navigate life in a school system that needs to teach many children, without squishing the goodness and spirit and esteem of my boy who at time can throw a teacher's "system" all out of wack. HOWEVER, Toby is bright, intelligent, does HIS homework well. Is learning about telling time and counting money and fun things like that. God is teaching me what it means to "support" teachers in the school district. Being open about my perspective while being open to what teachers do in the classroom. Toby is great. And in his case he is LOVING Josie because he loves to watch her learn new things.

Josie - J is unbelievably a go getter. She climbs everything, she eats everything, she touches everything. Nothing is too small too big too hot too cold too sharp too dirty for this girl. She has no fear. Yesterday we were watching a movie as a family and I walked into the kitchen and she is sitting on top of our kitchen table. We have a bench in our kitchen and her favorite spot is to climb up onto the bench and look out the window and scale the bench. But she is a firecracker. She has been having pooping problems lately. I've never experienced this with the other two. Josie "delivers" her poop. She gets consitpated and literally sometimes we have to help her. We are finding the balance of apple juice, peas, pears and milk that all work well together. Poor thing. She is smiley and laughs and giggles and tries to do things her way. I can't wait to see the gifts God has poured into her little spirit and to nurture them.

Pastor/church stuff - This is exciting. We are officially kicked off into a new year of a new ministry and we are making some good progress. We have some new people on the riverKIDS team and I am excited to see them impact kid's lives. We have some die hard servant leaders as well who have perservered through all of this change like troopers. They have made more progress and been so dedicated it warms my heart just thinking about all of the people God has brought to me on the riverKIDS team. I went to Denver for a three day conference and terribly missed my family. But I had a good time and got to see my good friend Jinny and hang with my new friend Kelly. I am truly blessed by this church and this ministry. The pressure I put on myself is sometimes unbearable. But God seems to always reach in right when I have beat myself up enough and show me His grace, His love and His understanding. And then it's all OK. God is so good. It's why I am in ministry. So other people can see and know it too.

Me - I was looking in the mirror the other day trying to get a pair of jeans on.... and I literally started laughing out loud. I was like... you know what I am just going to be chunky for a while. I am not going to freak out about it, I am not going to be self loathing and I am not going to think poorly of my body. This is just how my body is going to be until I have a little bit more free time to schedule in a FULL workout that can shape my body. Don't worry though, I am exercising... in babysteps. I play volleyball once a week and I started to run (slowly) and not for a long time on our treadmill. My eating habits are different working so much so I am still learning what a healthy life looks like in this job and my busy life. I turn 39 in October so I am fast approaching 40. I am looking forward to it. Because I have this "when I am old I will wear purple" mentality. I know my strengths, I know my weaknesses. I know what God is working on and what I can and cannot change. No one other that the Lord himself is going to make that different. So I might as well just accept it and enjoy it and keep on keepin on! Truth be told.. I miss my Dad. It has been six months since we last spoke. At least since I spoke to "that guy" who told me leave and never come back. My Dad is in there somewhere and man do I miss him. But again, God has shown me that He is taking care of my Dad. That this time away is giving me a perspective of God's love for me and also some time to heal my heart. Someday I'll see my Dad again and I'll be better prepared spirtually and emotionally. I actually miss all of my family. My Mom, My bro's and my sweet sisters in love. My neices and nephews. I miss my Grandma and Grandpa. Funny story... I was at McDonalds the other week with Billy and I was walking out and there was a man in front of me. He had on cowboy boots and black jeans. (just like my grandpa used to wear) as I walked by him he TOTALLY smelled like my Grandpa. I ran to the van and jumped in and started sobbing. Bill was like.. "What's wrong?" I told him that I just missed my Grandpa so much and that cowboy dude smelled like him and his cowboy boots clip clopped on the ground just like my Grandpas did. I think I had a little PMS, but the grief just overwhelmed me. Family is good. Family relationships are important. I was telling BK the other day the cool part about being with the family God gave you is that they love you NO MATTER WHAT. Even though my Dad is hurting and broken and wrecked. I still love him. Even though I am not perfect, my kids and husband love me. We have to. We are a team. We know all the good bad and ugly of each other and we love regardless. That's what family is for. It's vital.

Anyway, I better wrap this up. Thanks for listening and thanks for checking back with me. My camera is fixed so I'll be posting more new pics soon.
Love, jen

Do you EVER feel totally safe...

Throughout my journey of being a children's pastor at our church I know God has been working in my relationships. He sent me some people who have been just blowing me away with how much they love the Lord, how much they understand kids and ministering to kids and how much they have the gift of teaching. The first person he sent me was my friend Ben. Now... Ben is HUGE... and when I say huge I mean huge, like ultimate fighting martial arts kind of huge. But just as huge as Ben is... his heart is just as big. One of the first times Ben and I had talked when I started at the church a year ago, a man came into my office and was telling me a story about how he was taking care of his brother who had a neck injury and was very very sick. As the man was telling me the story, I looked over and these huge tears were rolling down Ben's cheeks. The man telling the story stopped, startled a little I think because Ben was crying... but that's just how Ben is. He truly sees the heart of situations. He is compassionate and an incredible listener and friend... and he served for many years ministering to kids who were going through crisis and divorce. So when it comes to ministering to kids. Ben has lots and lots of wisdom.

Which brings me to my next person. Her name is Beth... Beth is a leader Ben served with in Chicago at a Willow Creek church there. Beth has her masters, she has taught in schools, she is wise beyond wise and she too seeks to understand and truly be Jesus to people. She understands pain, but moreso she understands God's grace in the midst of it all. Which brings me to the workshop and the concept of "safety" Ben and Beth are teaching me.

Having not come from a "tradional" Christian background I feel like my perspective on riverKIDS is a clean slate. I know I don't want to develp a "traditional" children's ministry. I know I want a ministry that is first and foremost based on relationships with Jesus first and relationships with kids. If the kids don't feel safe and loved in the relationships they have at church why would they ever believe a Bible story we tell them? If they think the only reason we are in the class to teach them is because we have to run through curriculum, then why have a class at all. I want this ministry to be a place where kids feel SO safe, So loved and SO TRULY known... that they begin to reveal the truth of their hearts to us. That they begin to confess to us the things that are hurting them most. That they are able to say to us... I need to be healed by jesus, will you pray with me and believe with all of their hearts it is the same thing their teachers want. I don't want a show... I don't want a party, I want ministry. I want kids to learn the things of the Bible but to first and foremost know that I am not there fixing, judging and joking about their problems. I want them to know that every team member I have is someone who can sit with them in their pain. Can ask them questions that do not make them feel like they have to defend their emotions or justify how they feel. I want to hear that kids have been healed at a very young age from fear and anger. I want God to do a mighty work in my teacher's hearts so they too begin to understand that what we seek to do for these kids is what Jesus has done for us all along. He doesn't fix, He doesn't judge, He doesn't make jokes. He just sits with us in our yuck and says... "Yep... I am SO SORRY you feel that way." He sits with us in our yuck and says, "Tell me more about what your feeling..." He sits with us in our yuck and says, "I noticed you today and I hear what your saying and it's so important to me that you share with me... oh and by the way Jen... I love you no matter what is happening in your life."

Ben and Beth talk about creating a "safe place" in the church for kids to not only learn Biblical truths, but a place where they actually experience what Jesus would have been like in real relationships with teachers and people who love them and want to help them be healed by Jesus. And yes... young children need Jesus' healing. Let's not fool ourselves into thinking they don't carry stress, difficulty and pain. I haven't even been in children's ministry that long and I know the pain of a child. They have parents who are divorced, they experience deaths, they know what bullying is, they have been betrayed, they help their addicted parents, brothers,sisters and families and some of them have parents who have committed serious crimes. Some of them have been exposed to sex younger than they ever should be. Some of them have been molested and abused. This ministry is not something I will take lightly. Yes, right now we are concerned with paint and esthetics and the 90 second first impression. But we will be communicating what a safe place looks like regularly. I'm so excited for this. And as I begin to uncover and look at this type of thing in my own life, I am feeling a huge conviction that I am seeking forgiveness for. A conviction where I know I have not been safe in communicating with many people who matter most to me. I have tried to fix them, I have tried to joke with them, I have tried to tell them a story that is simliar. I haven't just sat with them in their circumstances and tried to get their perspective. So I'm praying today that God reveal those things to me a little bit more clearly. I am completely trusting Jesus that he will take this ministry to the next level. Thank you God for Ben and Beth. Two people who have been Jesus to me.

Here is Beth's company's website. www.envision-innovation.com. You want a fresh perspective on your relationships, talk to Beth see what she has to say.

Letter of Intent... and stuff

I wasn't going to post anything because my camera is still broken (discouraging) so for some reason I feel like my posts are much less fun to read without cool pictures. Yes... I am a dork.

So I will write my next letter of Intent. Read on...


Letter of Intent


Dear said Family vehicle (my dear sweet Honda Odyssey),


I am writing to thank you. To thank you for once again releasing my keys back to me so I don't have to hook and unhook my battery every day I drive you. I have already been on my knees praising God for fixing you for me. He knows my every desire and hope and that was a big one weighing on my mind.

I know God is working in our life because he has brought finances when there were none... and when I say none. I mean NONE. So Mr. Odyssey you too should be thanking Jesus for the beautiful miracle he worked in your ignition casing.

I look forward to a couple more years with you. Keep on trucking little van. Thanks for all you have done!


Love, Jen and family

Bloggy friends, I will post another day about our financial blessings and miracle. It is post for a memorial box monday. A post that will glorify Him, and build other people's faith by the things Jesus is doing in my life. Right when I needed Him most.

Peace to you all!
Jen

A work in progress

MY NEW PICTURE OF GRACIE
A sustainable pace....
It is what I am focusing on in all areas of my life. I have not really blogged much about the day to day stuff that is happening in this family of mine. BK and I are focusing heavily on our budgetary scenario. Finances are a top priority for this family of mine. God and BK have had some pretty heavy duty conversations about us getting everything in order. Stewarding finances well and is teaching Bill and I to work TOGETHER in it. For the past two pay periods we have been doing really well. Sunday afternoons after naps, we spend about a half an hour talking about money. I was telling my friend Jill the other day that converstaions about money are not always just about money... they are about much more than that and that's why sometimes I think couples have a hard time talking about it. Money effects people in different ways depending upon how you have grown up, how your parents treated money how your parents discussed money and how and why it was spent. BK and I have been learning a lot about our selves in this process. And I have to say... some of it was painful to learn but to cool thing that is happening is that BK and I are working together and trying to teach the kiddos in the process.

Day to day life has been good but different. In an effort to save I have been bringing my two big kids to work with me. What a cool thing that I have a boss who understands the need for flexibility in this life with kiddos so this will be my last week with them before they go off to school next week. We have a big party this Sunday for our kickoff of the new ministry. I have a lot to do and it is interesting while doing all the work I need to accomplish I know that God will take care of the details. I love my job. I am challenged. Not just by what we are trying to accomplished but by what I am learning about myself and my church in the process. My favorite part? The ministry. My favorite part is when a child needs prayer, my favorite part is when a Mom brings her daughter to church who brings a friend who needs prayer. My favorite part is when I get to teach a class and pray for the kids. My favorite part is talking with them one on one. Getting to know the kids lives. Getting to know the parents and their life circumstances and walking with them through the good the bad and the ugly. We still need to build a team so I can focus more on those things, but I am convinced God will take us there. In His timing.

I am a work in progress. This year will be a year of thinking and dreaming with God about what's next. Adoption? Buying or building a house? a 10 year anniversary trip? Who knows. I sit in anticipation of what's next. Thank you God for this life you give me. It will be my legacy someday and please let it be something that honors and glorifies you in all of it. lv, jen

Overwhelmed by it all...

Please let me preface this post by saying I am not overwhelmed by my life, my family or even my own personal circumstances. I am overwhelmed by the crisis happening in our families and the lives of kids today. What has happened?

I have been serving in youth ministry on and off for the past 41/2 years. In this time I have heard from kids as young as 14 years old, " I think I am pregnant," " I cut myself," "I'm trying to help my Mom(Dad) through their depression and chaos," "My parents are getting a divorce," "My Dad(Mom) hits me and verbally abuses me and my family." "My Mom(Dad) is sick." "I am addicted to drugs." The stories I hear from these young people are so sad to me. I am so burdened by it.

Here I am planning curriculum worried about checkin systems, determining paintcolors for the hallways of our church... concerned about crafts and attendance and statistics and the real problem lies in crisis and pain around us. What can we do God? What do I do? Will another VBS solve the crisis in our children? Will more crafts and pipe cleaners heal parents hearts and help them to understand marriage and sacrificial love? Will our kids ever get to be kids again. I think there was a time when all kids had to worry about were pipe cleaners and googly eyes. I think there was a time when they could truly enjoy a craft and think all about how the glue felt in their little sticky fingers. But I think the minute they are done... they are faced with much more. More than we could ever know about.

I was also thinking about this because although my kids don't experience the pain that some of these kids in crisis are going through, they are going to be faced with it because many of these kids are their peers. Many of these kids are looking for other kids who have supportive families to help them along, to love them despite their circumstances, will my kids be ready? Will they have what it takes? Will they see God in it all?

On my way home from youth group I prayed so hard. God has put an intercessory gifting in my life. When I become burdened to pray I begin to weep. It just comes in a huge wave. Like I am feeling like I am crying God's tears. I am so sad...as I pray I cry out to God. It's loud and it comes from the depth of my spirit...I pray in my prayer language and it is like I am praying away the sin... I don't know what I am saying but I know that God knows. It doesn't happpen too often but when it does it comes like a thunderstorm. (thank goodness I am in the car!lol)

So last night, in my overwhelmed state, I just cried and prayed. I was so overwhelmed by the challenge that faces us as Christians. By the town we live in and by the hurt and pain all around me. I felt like all I could do was call upon our big huge amazing miracle working God to do what he does best and heal us.

Not because we deserve it, but because he knew we were going to be this way and he loves us despite ourselves. So, I am asking my bloggy friends to pray along with me. Pray for our families, pray for relationships, pray for kids and that they stay kids. Pray that God does a miracle today in the lives of kids. Pray for his protection. Thank you so much. lv, Jen

unbelievably high heels...

So, I knew I had to blog about this because I left the store like I needed to talk to someone about it. Or at least vent about it a little.

I went shopping today for professional black dress shoes I can wear with a skirt. They used to be called PUMPS. I have NO IDEA what you would call shoes like that now. So I went to a store at the Durango Mall. Your average shoe store with quite a bit of selection. I walked by the flip flops, (too casual) I walked by the strappy shoes, too summery, I walked over to where they might have "dress shoes" for women.

Now let me preface this by saying, I love to wear heels. I am 5'1" so anytime I can be a couple inches taller to reach an "average" height I am giddy. However, the "dress" section of this store that contained shoes with heels blew my mind. Yes, they had appropriate dress shoes.. which were probably 2 inch heels. The selection was few.. maybe 3 pairs of shoes that first of all looked cute and second of all were comfortable. (I could write a whole other blog about shoe comfort later ;)

Anyway, the other aisle where all the other dress shoes were had shoes that I truly believe should ONLY be sold at Fredrick of Hollywood or some store in the red light district of Amsterdam. Holy Moly! Am I getting old or are stilleto heels just commonplace in the year 2010. First of all, there is no way on God's green earth I am walking up on stage at church in stilleto heels with my professional suit and skirt. NO WAY. But seriously it was the majority of the selection! Which begs the question. Can shoes be too sexy? I think I am really getting old.

I did finally find a pair after searching high and low. I swear maybe it's my age... I can't buy shoes that make me look like I am trying to be 22 and I can't buy shoes that my Grandmother would wear, but seriously I think the shoe companies are missing a market of women who would buy more shoes if they created styles that were a little more practical and fabulous.

Enough said, Any thoughts on this? Thought I'd attach a new pic of the family. All 5 of us. We had them taken in Iowa and when I look at them I think my family looks beautiful, but they make me want to go to the gym and lift weights. :) I know Jill... Baby steps... baby steps...
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Letters of Intent...the family van

Dear said "family vehicle",

Having taken a long family vacation and a variety of short trips. I would first like to thank you for continuing engine goodness and your ability to get me and my brood around the nation this summer.

However, this thing you have with the ignition and you swallowing my keys has me just about to the end of my rope. Being able to completely turn off the engine and pull the keys out of the ignition would bring me no greater joy. I would appreciate it if you could release the vice grip you have on my 98 Honda Odyssey key and let me have it back.

Having three children and knowing I have lots of running around to do... it is a little bit frustrating that every time I have to stop the car I have to unhook your battery. I am sure you don't want EVERYONE to see "under your hood" ALL the time. So, I am asking nicely (and praying to the Lord my God) to see if you would just give me back my keys and my time. This time can be spent in better ways, (painting my fingernails, loving my kiddos, making yummy meals and encouraging my husband).

The fact that in order to fix you it costs in the neighborhood of $500.00 we are not willing to part with said money. (Do you have any idea how many diapers and school supplies that buys?) So let's just come to an agreement and you give me back my keys and I promise I will fix your rear seal oil leak in the near future. (sorry if you wanted that to remain private).

I look forward to a day where we will live in harmony once again. Thank you too that your radio works so I can blast my music while chauffering my kiddos around Durango. Peace to you today Honda Odyssey. NOW GIVE ME MY KEYS BACK!

Lv,
jen