My best analogy...

I am in my 18th week of pregnancy. Which means I am well into my 5th month. I am starting to show... and feeling it too. I have been trying to think of some way some how I could explain to my husband how I feel in this 5th month. I am not myself, I am tired all the time, I want to sleep, and eat and I cry easily and laugh easily and I feel huge and I feel like I am moving slow through molasses. My tatas are seriously scaring me because they are tough to move around with... and once I am lactating... I can only imagine how my body will feel. (again... not complaining... just trying to put it into a picture visual for others to help them gain some understanding of what "my" pregnancies feel like... and in some cases look like. So, here it is... some women glow and look radiant and feel light and happy all the time...

I feel like a gorilla...
I am slow moving...



I get angry very fast



Weird things make me laugh...



I anticipate my ta ta's will work overtime



Don't mess with my food...


Just a little pregnancy humor to lighten up my day. Again... only a few more weeks until we find out if this baby is a boy or a girl... and we are elated... and through it all we are totally excited... but I've forgotten what Jen Kline pregnancies feel like... this should give you a good glimpse. :) (and hopefully make you chuckle)

Little Miracles...

If you're ever wondering if God exists or doesn't exist watch for miracles. One happened to me yesterday and I wanted to tell people. So you understand why I believe what I believe and how I know God loves us all more than we can imagine. So much so... he answers my measly little prayers.

My Mom was taking a trip to New York to visit my brother. She was very excited to go as he was cast in a play and has a great part and it is one of his first important roles at NYU. The day before she left we were talking and I could tell she was worried about finances. She just bought a new house in New Mexico is living off of her retirement and has just started a part time job to fund these big new changes. She was telling me that she was going to New York on a shoe string budget. Which if you've ever traveled... it feels nice to have some extra money in your pocket in case of emergency.

I have heard a mom on our Christian radio station talk about something called "arrow prayers" you shoot them up to god as you go through your day. You just pray and speak to God from your heart to continue your daily conversations with him. I often use them with my children... "dear lord... I need your help today... help me with Tobias and his inability to stay in his bed..."

Well, I was washing my floor yesterday and I thought about my Mom. I remember traveling and not having much cash on hand... and feeling uneasy. So I just shot a little prayer up to the Lord and said, "Lord... maybe my Mom could find some cash in New York... what an awesome blessing that would be and gave it to the Lord as my simple request and forgot all about it.

Later in the afternoon my Mom called me from the airport in Minneapolis. She was telling me how her early flight went and how tired she was and that she was feeling better because she got something to eat. Then she told me... guess what? I found a $20.00 bill in the airport. I was like WHAT? She repeated herself and I was a little stunned. You know no matter how faithful you are... it is still hard to fathom in my puny little brain how much God loves me. So it is still unbelievable to me when he sends me a miracle. I told my Mom about my prayer and we were both giddy and laughing. Both delighted that God had touched us that day. What an awesome cool little miracle. He loves us that much. He loves us that much.

Thankful Thursdays - I love it when...

My daughter is on her way to school with Valentines in hand and a big pink heart on her shirt. She is going to have a fun party at her school with healthy snacks and fun times with her friends and teachers. I am usually not a big fan of Valentines Day... it seems very contrived and a holiday. But this year for some reason I can appreciate it because I am feeling so much LOVE for my life.

I am thankful this Thursday for love and because of that my post this Thursday talks about the things I love in my life...

I love ...
1. When Billy gives me one of his signature hugs. He is the worlds best hug giver. EVER.
2. When we get to spend together as a family.
3. When I make Gracie laugh hard at something silly.
4. When Toby tells me that I am the best cook in the whole wide world.
5. When my kitchen is clean and I have laundry complete.
6. When my kids are all tucked in and sleeping and BK and I can talk and laugh.
7. When we have a family trip planned.
8. To read my Bible and have it stir in my heart something big.
9. My Dad's ability to accomplish anything he puts his mind to.
10. When I watch my Mom love on her grandkids
11. My brothers... all three of them, make me laugh and understand me very well.
12. When I hear a great song and how it makes me feel.
13. When The sun shines on my face and the stars light up the sky.
14. My job and what it provides for me and my family. It is a blessing.
15. Toby's constant love and snuggles. His sensitive soft side.
16. The life inside of me. It is a gift and a blessing and gives me great joy.
17. Deer or elk pass through our yard...
18. When I get to go to our home group.
19. When I am challenged.
20. My church and my pastors.

Am I a Princess?

My Mom for years has referred to herself as a "princess". For most of my life, I think it is because she likes things that are girly..sparkly things, feathery things, dresses, make up etc.etc. My daughter is following suit... LOVES to dress up, wear dresses, paint her nails, accessories, etc.

Last night, when we got 6 inches of snow in our driveway overnight and I look and there is no path to my car and my minivan is buried, I feel vulnerable, overwhelmed and "princess like." I wish I had a fairy Godmother who would come and swoosh all of the snow away, make a path for my feet (and my two children) and assist me with all of my obstacles. I can shovel like a mad woman (and I did) I got the kids breakfast and went out and wiped down the car and started it. I looked all around me wondering if the van would make it through the accumulation of snow that had been dumped on us and just said a little prayer. I don't need a fairy godmother like Cinderella had. I have Jesus.

If Jesus is the King of Kings and the Prince of Peace.... and I am considered one of his children.. then man... I know I've got some princess blood in me somewhere!

I've had moments where I've been praying and sought to be in the "presence" of Jesus and have seen him sitting next to me in a park like setting, putting his hand over mine... and looking at me with complete compassion as if to say "why do you carry weight of the world your shoulders?" I don't think Jesus wants his princesses to live that way.

He sees women as precious and soft, regardless if we wear pants or big huge ball gowns and boas and tiaras. He gave us hearts that are soft and squishy. He gave us passionate emotion that allows us to be sad and soft when we feel weak and powerful and passionate and strong warrior women when we are on the mountaintop. He gives us the ability to nurture, love and big huge hearts.

I think in the past I have seen some of my "princess like" qualities as being weak, but as I get older I am learning to embrace it. I am a princess who needs Jesus and needs God to take care of me, protect me, watch over me and most of all love me when I need it most. Thank you Jesus, for helping me understand what it means to be a true princess and showing me your love when I need it most.

Jen of all trades... master of some?!?

These past couple of weeks I have felt and continue to feel like I am a jack of all trades and "sometimes" good at the things I put my mind to. I can blame it on the pregnancy. I can blame it on my ADD (self diagnosed) or I can just chalk it up to a day in the life if Jen Kline.

Having had a miscarriage prior to this pregnancy, I have to say I am very much more aware of my body, of how I should take care of it and listen to what it needs. I have faith that God is taking care of me. But I also know that I am the kind of person who will try to "do it all" save the world and burn myself out.

My body needs food and I am SO good at feeding it. :) It needs rest. I am doing this more often and my body loves me for it. I take naps when I have a free afternoon. This is SO needed by this body of mine.

Being a Mom is a priority for me so I have been very focused on assisting Grace and Toby in learning some things... with Grace it is spelling. We are working on spelling words weekly and reading books. With Toby I am working with him on helping around the house... teaching him to be responsible for his things and that everything he owns has a place and he can make sure it gets to that place. Toby and I are also working on what month it is and what Day it is. He also dresses his weather frog here and there and is helping me cook. So in the Mom department I feel like I'm doing pretty good.

I am a wife, this is something I also take very seriously. My husband however has not been home due to his busy schedule with a play he is going to be in, work priorities, bible studies refing basketball and youth group... so when we have time together I just pray we are able to laugh and have some good quick talks. We were blessed with a date after church today where we went and drooled over ovens at Home Depot... (our oven is broken) it was actually a lot of fun!

It's amazing that when I pick a couple things to focus on and give priority to... I start to feel like I am not "doing" enough. I want to remain in a peaceful place and I know that if I try to keep the pace I have had in the past... I will deplete.

So I take a deep breath in and out and continue to said, "no" or "not now" to the lingering voice in my head telling me what a slacker I am. I keep telling myself it's ok to pull back a little bit. That it's ok to focus on what I am able to do rather than my big picture dreams.

There are things I want to do and expand in Children's ministry... things I want to do personally (play the guitar/mandolin and go on a missions trip) things I want to do and plan for my friends... house projects and financial planning that all just have this tidy little place in the back of my head. Where they sit and wait to be called upon. It is annoying that I cannot juggle them all right now... but I am trying an new approach to multi tasking... taking it a "couple" things at a time. It's still multiple tasks... does that count? :)

Peace!

Thankful Thursdays...

I am glad my friends are such amazing examples of women who are disciplined enough to write this blog every Thursday. I have missed some. Please forgive. I know however... that when I think about what I am thankful for... and tell my bloggy world... it is a good thing for my spirit.

1. I am thankful for my husband... maybe I've said this before. But I really am thankful for his spirit, how he pursues to know God in a closer way... and that he is a committed wonderful husband and father.

2. I am thankful for my Mom... that throughout her life, she has done so many cool things in her life. Made great choices, and most of all gave me a great example to pursue my faith.

3. I am thankful for my Dad... that he adopted me legally. That he provided an awesome fun and great life for me and was the ultimate provider.

4. I am thankful for the sun... and the beautiful Durango mountains.... lately the way they are striped with snow and thier red rock color... it has been stunning to me.

5. I am thankful for my Grandpa L... that he taught us how to have fun.. no matter what and just enjoy life.

6. I am thankful for my Grandpa H... that he was such a great example of a husband and father. He was a cornerstone in the family in a cool subtle strong way.

7. I am thankful for my Grandma H... that she was so peaceful. That she loved me and showed me in a multitude of ways while I was growing up.

8. I am thankful for my Grandma L... that she helped raise me as a toddler - that she knew exactly how to communicate with kids, that she was humble and loved God.

9. I am thankful for my God... who created and knit together this beautiful baby inside me. I am thankful God has a plan and a purpose for this baby... I am so so thankful for this gift of life.

10. I am thankful for my girlfriends... they have all been on my mind lots lately. So important... so awesome to have other women to love and grow our friendships.

Taking me back...

As I watched the Superbowl on Sunday... Bruce Springsteen sang this song. It blows me away how a song can take me back in time to the exact place and time and moment in my life... I used to laugh at my Mom when she would get all giddy about Hermans Hermits... she LOVED them and it made her remember times from high school. Good times. Good friends. I never understood it until now.

This song as well as the first couple on my playlist take me back in time to my college days. I do not know what I liked more in college... going to school or getting to know a lot of people because I worked part-time bartending and waitressing jobs in a couple of different local establishments in town. The bars I worked at were my community, my friends and my family when I was far away from everything familiar. I worked and played with good people who really cared about each other. Now that I think about it... I love my church community for the same reason I used to work and play at the bar. I was accepted, loved and had a blast in the meantime. :)

The cool part was that I was able to bartend with my best friend Nikki. We were friends since 1st grade. We went to the same college. ( I talked her into coming to Winona with me) We were a team and we had so much fun together. One of the bars we worked at was called Bullseye. Our bosses were Vern and Dave. They hired us both at the same time and watched out for us like big brothers.

Nikki would bartend (I could barely see over the bar) and I was working the shot bar which served mostly watered down schnapps from a weed sprayer... (it was insanity) she would chuck ice at me all night long. We would write notes to each other on napkins... and pass them back and forth. Our favorite part of the night was when a good song came on the jukebox... we had the remote behind the bar... we would crank it up loud on our favorite songs. If we didn't like the song we would skip it... I always skipped the song "Cecelia... your breakin my heart... ". It was way overplayed it drove me nuts.

We would laugh and sing and shout and hoot and holler. We would watch out for girls who were drinking too much and keep an eye out when we needed a bouncer or two in the area for boys who were drinking their bottles of "courage". But mostly the crowds we had in Bullseye was a great group of kids who were having fun. No one really drove in Winona. You could walk anywhere you wanted and there were super cheap cabs that would take you anywhere.

At the end of the night we were deliriously tired. We would count our tips, mop up nasty bar floors... clean nasty ashtrays.... cups of chew spit and junk everywhere. We even had to mop the bathrooms. It is a good thing we were deliriously tired because I am not sure if I were fully aware of the clean up process... I would have loved the job so much.